and i'm BACK...

Sorry it has been so long since my last blog, but life has been quite un-scheduled and chaotic lately and when I find myself getting out of routine I seem to lose my mind!

Let's see...since last I blogged, I was determined to an avid runner, an exceptional new nurse, a wonderful wife, and to have a scheduled work/social life (ha).

Lets take this step by step.

Goal 1) Become an avid runner- FAIL! I think since the last time I blogged I may have ran 2-3 times. PATHETIC, i know. However, I am making progress towards this goal because just today Chad and I joined a local gym. We did a week long trial period and are now quite determined to get in shape and also into some smaller clothes!

Goal 2) Become an exceptional new nurse---Questionable outcome. I have now been an official nurse taking care of real patients (opposed to those of plastic persuasion) for a little over 5 weeks now, and while I would like to say I have gotten a handle on the role of a REAL nurse, I would be utterly lying to say so. I know I have grown immensely since leaving the nest of nursing school, however I still have a ways to go. Each day really reminds me how thankful I am for gracious co-workers who try to ease my stupidity and mistakes by saying "everything you mess up, I messed up years ago....just remember, don't make the same mistake twice. And then with a smirk grin they start to walk away when I hear a nearly inaudible "that's when we will really make fun of you" ha!

Goal 3) Be a wonderful wife---Questionable outcome. Because of all the chaos and unscheduled-ness of this new adult life, I find myself very anxious and over emotional...more so than I'd like to be! I know you may be questioning what this has to do with my ability to be a wonderful wife...so let me tell you. When the littlest mistakes, arguments, comments, or gestures send you into a temper-tantrum that could top those of most 2 year olds...your husband just doesn't want much to do with you...aka poor wife-ness. Example a) just last night I was studying for a medication test I had this morning at the hospital and Chad was being the perfect husband that he usually is by helping me study. I had made some flash cards and Chad was quizzing me. Things were going pretty well until I got to one medication that had the MOST important side effect of all the medications and I couldn't remember it. Normally I would simply admit defeat and ask for the answer, however last night I threw my pillow off my lap, threw my arms into the air, slumped over and put my face into the bed, and pathetically started whimpering "i am never going to pass this exam! i can't even remember the most important things, i'm going fail this test, lose my job...."(you can figure out the rest) and to this Chad just stared, sat down the note cards, and allowed his eyes to say what I'm sure his head what thinking "this woman is crazy" ha.

Anyways, what's to say but that I am a work in progress...at least I(and Chad) hope so!

Goal 4) have a scheduled work and social life---EPIC FAIL! Let me just start by saying that whoever implanted the thought in my head that life would calm down after college has successfully pulled the biggest mind-prank of my LIFE! (congrats) I don't know who or what put this deceitful thought into my head, but I will admit that I genuinely believed it and was incredibly looking forward to it! This little stinker of a thought had me falsely hopeful in believing that after college, the unpredictable-ness, spontaneity, overcommitment, and chaos of life would all come to an end. HA! This thought has been nothing shy of a complete oxymoron for what my life has been like post-graduation, as I am still finding myself scattering to plan my days, still spontaneously agreeing to things, still overcommitting myself, and still living in seemingly utter chaos. I have thus began to call this new life I live the "unforetold REAL adult life" and while I still continue to deceive myself that things will slow down eventually, I know that they probably won't...but I will continue to hope for the impossible and in the mean while will work to love my "unforetold real adult life."

So those are some of the major life updates in addition to weekly skype dates with some great college friends, weekly trips exploring all Lexington has to offer, movie dates with the hubby, and when I can squeeze it in a little rest & relaxation.

And now to wrap it up with a small reflection...

there is a popular country song out right now that has really inspired me lately. The song is called "Love like crazy" by Lee Brice....if you haven't heard it, you NEED to.

It is absolutely fantastic and filled with a lot of simple truths. Anyhow, here is the chorus...

Be a best friend, tell the truth, and overuse I love you.

Go to work, do your best, and don't outsmart your common sense.

Never let your prayin' knees get lazy,

And love like crazy.

Great, isn't it? So simple, yet so true! Praise the Lord for sweet reminders of simple truths for living in His Kingdom.

Let the Games Begin

I am now onto week 2 of my running journey and I will say it is going....well, it is going.
Last week was my week of running 2 min/walking 2 min and this went rather smoothly. I didn't find it easy keeping this up for 30-40 minutes, but it was definitely do-able.
This week the time increased to running 3 min/walking 3 min and while it seems this shouldn't be much more of a challenge than last week..it sure was.
Tonight was my first night attempting this new interval challenge and I found myself fine for about the first 20-25 minutes..and then I just died (figuratively...well, almost literally as well)! My legs felt like jello and no matter how hard I tried, I just could not make my last 3&3 interval. ERRG!

Remembering back to the wonderful days of running with a partner/friend, I remembered how she would tell me to put mind over matter and to just convince myself mentally that I could do keep going. HA.
While this mind over matter stuff might work for her, it sure doesn't and didn't work for me!
No matter how hard or how many times this mind of mine worked to tell my little legs just to keep running..my body just laughed and refused!

Let me just run through (pun intended) a few "mind games" I played with myself during this joyous (<--- mind game) run.

a) trying to consume my thoughts with the beautiful scenery around me rather than the immense struggle my body was attempting to overcome

b) telling myself "we just have to make it to that tree" and then once that tree was reached "we just have to make it to that tree" etc, etc...
*this particular mind game was one of my running partner's favorites! she was convinced that it worked. well, my mind, rather my body, is much to smart for this silly little trick (mind you, i just graduated from nursing school. ha.). and once i had set my first landmark, my legs would simply not be fooled in making it to the next.*

c) observing the other runner's around me--particularly the silly looking ones (you know, the boys wearing short girl shorts or the girls walking their dogs, or rather their dogs walking them)--any how, and trying to convince myself that "if they can do it, I can do it"

d) turning my ipod up as loud as it goes, so as to drown out my horrible thoughts and body aches

e) timing my intervals so that I am always running down hill and walking up hill (personal favorite)

and the list continues...

While I continue on my running journey, I am wondering if any of my readers have words of wisdom and inspiration for the 8 weeks ahead.
Regardless, I will continue to fool myself into believing that I actually enjoy this-- in hopes that someday I WILL!

For now I will leave you with a visual image of what you would see if we happened to cross paths during one of my FANTASTIC runs.

Now I'm no Simpson's fan..but his posture and facial expression say it all!

Reality

If you can remember a few posts back, I blogged about my incredible excitement regarding passing NCLEX, getting a nursing job, and receiving my provisional nursing license.

Well today reality set it.

Tomorrow is my first day on the floor with REAL patients as a REAL nurse and well...lets just say that excitement is not my most predominant feeling. But rather--NERVOUSNESS, FEAR, ANXIETY, and PANIC seem to be more fitting for this particular circumstance!
I know I am well prepared and maybe even "qualified" for this challenge, but some part of me just can't get over the fact that I am no longer a student nurse protected and overseen by my professor. The idea of being independent is something that I have longed for since day one of nursing school, and now that it is here it seems as though it has come all too soon.

While I could ramble all day long regarding my nervousness for tomorrow, I instead am going to re-read yesterdays blog and trust in the truth that God has me in the palm of His hand! Besides, if He was able to get me through nursing school, I am quite convinced there is nothing He cannot do!

As my morning devotionals reminded me "we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him and have been called according to his purpose...If God is for us, who can be against us?" Romans 8:29, 31

To Trust in The Truth

Do I/you trust in "The Truth?" I mean, honestly and genuinely TRUST in "The Truth."

Seems almost like a question not worth asking....I mean, of course I/we/you would trust in "The Truth." For doesn't the nature of the truth rest upon it being true? And if something is true, wouldn't it be foolish not to trust it?

For example:
The definition of TRUE/TRUTH is: conforming to reality or fact, reflecting the actual or genuine character of something, not deceitful.
And the definition of TRUST is: reliance on the surety of a person/thing, confidence in certainty.
So if trusting means relying on a "sure thing" and the truth is a reflection of a "sure thing" wouldn't it mean that the safest thing to trust would be the truth?

As a Christian, I sincerely believe in the Bible as absolute truth. And as illustrated above, it would only make sense for me to then put all of my trust in such an absolute truth....so why then is it so hard for my scientific and factual brain to succeed or conform to this most logical act?

Let me back up.
These past few days have been the first of many days in the "real world." The past few days have introduced me to my future adult life/vocation...the life of a nurse. Since Monday of this week, I have been treading my way through University, Hospital, and Nursing orientation. Upon entering into this week-long information overload, I found myself both eagerly excited and incredibly nervous---excited to find out what my future UK Health Care life would look like but also nervous of learning the policies, procedures, and necessary steps for successfully beginning this new vocation.
While orientation has truly been great, and I much look forward to the coming days/months/years(?) of being employed at UK Hospital...I will also admit that tears have already been shed over the shear amount of information being given to me and the newness of everything surrounding me.

Now I know you are wondering what my connection is between the philosophical ramblings in the first few paragraphs of this blog and the life update just mentioned,

So here it is...The philosophical ramblings of trusting The Truth have everything and anything to do with my recent excitement and anxiety regarding my new vocation.

You see, my devotional life these past few days has centered around the promises of the Lord for his people...
promises of prosperity and hope, of strength and faithfulness, of restoration and renewal.And it seems that instead of trusting or relying on these promises, I have instead chosen to edit them to my choosing or liking. It seems that while reading these promises, I have inserted the underlying thought that life would be easy, or at least uncomplicated.

Rather than trusting that
in the midst of the unknown, the Lord promises a future of prosperity and hope;
in the midst of weakness and uncertainty, the Lord promises strength and faithfulness;
in the midst of emotional break-downs and feelings of giving up, the Lord promises restoration and renewal

I have instead skimmed these promises in the most shallow sense, believing that the Lord promises a prosperous and hopeful life, strength and faithfulness, and restoration without us ever having to go through the unknown, without us ever having to feel weak, and without us ever feeling like giving up.

But if I am to trust in The Truth, I must trust in the ENTIRE Truth...which means that I can no longer insert my own desires into the facts of Scripture. When it says you will be persecuted because of me, you will endure trials, and you must take up your cross and follow me both in my death and resurrection...it means it! ah.
But as Paul reminds us in Romans: "We know that suffering produces perseverance, perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us."

I guess what I am trying to say is but a simple reminder to myself of what it means to Trust the Truth. It means that I place MY trust in a Heavenly Father who never promised that life would be easy, uncomplicated, or trouble-free but who did promise
to give strength to the weary, a hopeful future to those who are faithful, and a renewal to downcast spirits.

And I will conclude with one of my favorite verses, that I still never seem to trust enough, but will challenge myself to trust completely:
"The Lord will fight for you, you need only to be still" Exodus 14:14

On Becoming a "Runner"

For the past few months I have been working to become a "runner." I use the quotations so as to imply runner/walker/runner or rather one who attempts to run more than walk when exercising. Seeing as how college and nursing school had succeeded at ruining any plans for daily scheduled exercise, I find myself starting back at square one.
The past 2-3 months back in Illinois I have been "running" with a friend who was actually training for a half-marathon.
So now, if you will, picture this...
I, Sara, a very novice and poor excuse for a runner trying my best to run beside Mallory, an expert runner training for a half-marathon. Perhaps a famous fable will best illustrate our running relationship.

The Tortoise (me) and The Hare (mallory)

However, unlike the famous ending to this familiar fable, I, the tortoise, NEVER defeat or pass up the Hare (nor does she stop for a quick nap). In fact, our daily/weekly running attempts were actually quite pathetic and humorous on my part...so much so that I begin to consider myself part of campus entertainment seeing as how we would often fashion our runs around inner campus. (whose idea was that anyway??)
Surprisingly enough, within the last few weeks of running with Mallory, I actually began to improve. I become much more comfortable running, began building endurance, and dare I say--even started enjoying it.

Insert now our move to Kentucky

If you know anything about Kentucky landscape versus Illinois landscape, you are most likely already consumed with laughter and giggles. Illinois=FLAT, Kentucky=HUGE and MOUNTAINOUS HILLS (or mountainous at least in my opinion while running up them).
A few weeks ago I decided to venture out on my first Kentucky run. I had been told of a nearby Arboretum that had a 2 mile trail winding through beautiful Kentucky landscaping...sounded good to me, or so I thought....After my first attempt at running through the rigorous Kentucky landscape, I can now honestly say that I don't think I have ever been so excited to see the end of anything in my life!! Unlike the trail runs I had been on in Illinois, flat land does NOT exist down here in Kentucky...it felt as if my entire run was either uphill or downhill which turned my eager attempt at running into a struggle to put one foot in front of the other.
However, I am bound and determined to become a "runner" by some standards and have found a beginner's running plan that I am going to follow for the next 10 weeks.
I will officially start Week 1 this Sunday and will continue on from there.
For accountability sake and any hopes that someone might venture on this journey with me, I am going to post the plan below. Be sure to keep reading as I will be sure to blog about my attempts, successes, and most importantly failures!

THE plan
5 minute warm up. Repeat each rotation for 30 minutes until able to run for 30 minutes straight.
Week ONE: two minutes running/four minutes walking
Week TWO: three minutes running/three minutes walking
Week THREE: four minutes running/two minutes walking
Week FOUR: five minutes running/three minutes walking
Week FIVE: seven minutes running/three minutes walking
Week SIX: eight minutes running/two minutes walking
Week SEVEN: nine minutes running/one minute walking
Week EIGHT: thirteen minutes running/two minutes walking
Week NINE: Fourteen minutes running/one minute walking
Week TEN: RUN THE WHOLE TIME!

Hello, my name is Sara and I will OFFICIALLY be your nurse today!

I PASSED, I PASSED, I PASSED!!!!! So excited and such a RELIEF!

The Pearson VUE Testing service has recorded your unofficial results as shown below. The Board of Nursing to which you applied for licensure will mail your official results to you within approximately four weeks of your exam date. Please note that a passing result alone does not authorize you to practice as a licensed nurse.

Exam Date:	Tue, 1 Jun 2010 at 8:00 AM
Candidate:	Sara Cook
NCLEX ID:	21685636
Registration #:	235251491
Exam:	NCLEX-RN: The National Council Licensure Examination for Registered Nurses
Grade:	Pass

Me with my provisional nursing license and offer letter from UK Hospital. I start my official nursing career Monday June 7th. Woohoo!!

Sweet Tea & Southern Hospitality

First and foremost, I want to apologize for the lack of recent blog posts..my life and mind have been a little off kilter and out-of-whack these past few weeks. However, much is happening in the lives of Sara and Chad and I anticipate many new blog posts to come!

Anyways, within the past few weeks Chad and I have relocated ourselves and our home from the ever-exciting village of Bourbonnais to the Blue-blooded city of Lexington, Kentucky. To our family and friends back in Indy: our Hoosier allegiance still stands firm...at least for now. =)

Since uprooting and moving to Lexington, Chad and I have managed (with the help of our family) to:
settle down into our quaint and contemporary Lexington apartment, unpack ALL of our moving boxes, decorate 80% of the apartment, familiarize ourselves with the 3 main roads that run through Lexington, conquer our first Southern comfort food meal experience, celebrate our one year wedding anniversary, begin a church internship/ministry experience, sign up for church and community softball leagues, study like mad for Nursing boards, and grill out a wonderful Memorial Day feast just for the two of us.

Whew...quite the list of accomplishments!

A few pictures to allow you to visualize our new (but hopefully very seldom) Lexington Lunch...

Our first Southern-comfort-food meal was at a Lexington renown restaurant called Ramsey's.

Ramsey's is a little home-cookin' Southern style restaurant located in a renovated/abandoned gas station. Its quaint, simple location and appearance are quite deceiving as to the hazardous calorie filled food consumed once inside.

SWEET TEA! "you know you're in the South as long as the tea is still sweet"

This (above) was my meal...well, almost. I had the country fried steak with creamed corn and a baked potato. Regardless of the exchange of side items I am sure my meal was just as calorie and cholesterol filled as the meal featured above. However, this meal could not touch the havoc of calories and cholesterol Chad's meal contained. (See Below)

This little delight is known as a "Hot Brown" or as the Pastor who treated us to this meal liked to call it, "Cholesterol on a plate." HOLY COW! Let me explain to you what this cheese covered mountain consists of:
Two-three slices of Texas toast, a few slices of country baked ham, a few slices of roasted turkey, a smattering of gravy, a few sliced tomatoes, a layer of melted cheese, and a few slices of bacon!!! ahhh.
well, needless to say, Chad liked it!

Take some time to really fathom that meal we consumed, how we didn't need to eat for a week after and how we will be working off those calories for the rest of our lives, and then you can continue reading. =)

On a more serious note....

While Chad and I often find ourselves caught up in all the newness and excitement of Lexington, at the end of the day we always reminiscence on the sweet and friendly spirit of this place! While trying not to sound too cliche, the Southern Hospitality we have experienced these past two weeks has made us feel right at home. It seems as though every person we meet or even walk past has a smile on their face, and if eye-contact is made, offers a pleasant "Hello or my name is.." The sense of genuine community and fellowship here is unlike any other place I have encountered...and although I have yet to build relationships and friendships with my fellow "hillbillies" --- the kindness that has been shown to me almost echoes the sweet whisper of reassurance I hear from my Heavenly Father each night as I pray for our ministry, relationships, friendships, jobs, finances, and family..." I know what I'm doing. I have it all planned out-plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for. "

Its Been a Year

To commemorate our One Year Wedding Anniversary: May 16. (Yes, its a few days late, but our cable and internet were just installed today...HOORAY!! new "real" blog post promised soon.)

don't goodbyes always come with new hellos?

Saying goodbye is one of my least favorite things to do...and tonight was a night of good-byes, or as I would prefer "see-you-laters."
Tonight marks Chad and I's last night in our Bourbonnais apartment. An apartment we have made into a wonderful home during our first year of marriage (our first anniversary is this Sunday- crazy) and also our last year of college.
Many great memories have been had in this apartment: couples game nights, weekly guys nights for Chad and his guy friends, pitch in dinners, baby showers, wedding showers, my first ever attempted home cooked meal, Chad and I's first pet (a beta fish who I accidentally dropped down the garbage disposal), Chad and I's first fight, Chad and I's first Christmas, study groups, coffee dates, and many many more. This apartment has been a great first home for us and although we are excited about our new home/apartment, it is bittersweet leaving this place and all the people that have shared memories with us here.
And as I struggle to keep my eyes tear-free during these goodbye moments, I am mindful of the deep and life-long friendships with which I have been blessed. Although I may no longer be surrounded by a constant circle of familiar friends, I know that they are always just a phone call, text message, facebook post, or blog away.

So perhaps, in some way or another, these goodbyes are only just pauses or brief breaks in time preparing us to meet again in another place, another time, another circumstance where our lives will once again cross paths and once again we will say "hello."

The Problem with Packing...

The problem with packing is that is makes me grouchy...very grouchy.
Since Chad and I are less than 72 hours away from our move to Kentucky, packing has consumed every ounce of my life and every positive thought in my mind these past few days. And because I am now a college graduate, I have taken it upon myself to use my "earned and official" critical thinking skills to analyze the problem of why packing makes me so grouchy.
First, let me explain to you just how grouchy packing makes me...
More than once my husband (Chad) has said to me "maybe you should take a nap," and "why don't you just go sit down and I will do all the packing," and "I'm leaving now, this would be a good time for you to pack," and "maybe we should coordinate our sleeping and packing schedules--Ill stay up late and pack while you are asleep if you will get up early and back while I am asleep"...and the list continues. Needless to say, I haven't been very pleasant these past few days--and for that I am truly sorry.
However, my sincerest apologies do not change the persistence of my attitude to be less than pleasant.
After reflecting on my poor disposition, I feel I have stumbled upon a few reasons for my recent sourness. Packing in its physical nature is very tiresome, tedious, and troubling--things which might make one weary and perhaps even grumpy. But for me, the truth of the matter is that during this dreadful packing process I have not only been packing up my physical things and belongings but in a way I feel as though I have been packing up the last four years of my life.
You see, in the midst of all these boxes and bags are memories...and if I may say so, lots of memories. Just today I packed up CDs of my engagement pictures, a picture frame from my RAing days, wedding paraphernalia (like you wouldn't believe), piano books from high school, stuffed animals and notes from my dating days, notes of encouragement from my freshman year of college, letters from old friends, and much much more. To put all of these memories into sealed boxes just has a way of reminding me how life is moving on, and for that matter that life is moving on much quicker than I had imagined it would.
Now I will be the first to admit that change and I have a strong love-hate relationship--emphasis on the hate. However, it seems that while I really don't like the excitement, newness, and discomfort of change, I also really don't like to get stuck in a rut of going through motions. Being in the same place, same state of mind, same hairstyle, same clothes, same position, or same anything for too long becomes just too comfortable..and for me, to become too comfortable is to become stagnant. With every part of my life, especially my spiritual life, I find myself striving to never become stagnant or overly comfortable--for when I am, I do not grow. So why then do I find this change of relocation so difficult? Because it is forcing me to grow.
One last thought,
Some of my favorite Biblical illustrations are those of plants and growth. Throughout the New Testament Jesus uses many illustrations of vines, plants, and bushes to illustrate the need for continual growth in HIM.
So, as I struggle my way through the rest of my packing, I will take comfort in His word and promise in John chapter 15:
I am the vine and you are the branches... Apart from me you can do nothing.
Just as a branch separated from its supporting vine cannot live, let alone produce any fruit, so we are helpless when were not connected to Jesus, the source of our hope and salvation.

As of Recently

Much is happening in our lives as of recently... Senior Banquet. Nurse Pinning Day. Graduation. Jobs. Graduate School. Move to Kentucky.
To help document all of our new or upcoming life changes, here are some pictures as of recently...

Senior Banquet with Friends

Graduation Day

Nurse Pinning Ceremony

The Bluegrass State: Our New Home

Chad's soon-to-be Graduate School

My new work place: University of Kentucky Hospital.
Sara Cook, RN B.S.N, Intensive Care Unit

The Words I (Sidewalk Prophets) Would Say

The title of my blog comes for my newest favorite song--Because I have a tendency to change my mind (daily), I figured I would claim this song "my favorite" before my mind changes itself.
The song "The Words I Would Say" is a song by Sidewalk Prophets, a band I might as well also claim as a new favorite. The song is one I first heard while perusing iTunes "Songs for You" play-list. After hearing iTunes 20second blip of the song I was hooked and instantly purchased the song, and not long after, the album. The song speaks to me a gentle reminder of how to live my life and how to encourage others. Too often I find myself getting caught up in the "ME moments" of life that I fail to acknowledge my Heavenly Father and give Glory where Glory is due. I am always quick to forget God's unfailing promises of faithfulness and love and too often find myself worried about what's next and where my life is going. This song reminds me to take hold of God's promises and to live life with a fervent and bold faith...a faith unafraid to be shared with others, a faith unafraid of the future, a faith unafraid of the ways of this world, a faith simply unafraid.
Below is the chorus of this song..an echo and reminder of living on God's simple truths. Enjoy.

Be strong in the Lord and,
Never give up hope,
You're going to do great things,
I already know,
God's got His hand on you so,
Don't live life in fear,
Forgive and forget,
But don't forget why you're here,
Take your time and pray,
Thank God for each day,
His love will find a way,
These are the words I would say.

The First....

Today marks the beginning and first of (hopefully) many life updates, inspirational thoughts, and mindless ramblings. With graduation behind me and a new job before me, it seems I can hardly contain the excitement and anxiety of all the change about to unfold in my/our life. While my friends and husband have much welcomed my thoughts and ramblings, I feel that recording them may be somewhat more therapeutic. I am not sure of what this blog is to become or even what I am to become, but I have somehow been drawn to this idea of recording my thoughts for the enjoyment of both myself and others. I have no aspirations or hopes of attempting to pose as any sort of extraordinary writer but rather just to capture with word the beauty and wonder of my seemingly simply, yet sometimes crazy, everyday life. Enjoy.